I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
