I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
