Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
