Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
