Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
And then he peed in my hair
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