I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
