i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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