You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
