i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
