Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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