I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
