i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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