He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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