Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We're too hungover to prance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
