i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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