Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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