I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
