if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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