Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize