Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i love accidental penises.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
