you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to calm my uterus...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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