in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
