I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you would pick up someone in the library
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
