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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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