I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
