I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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