I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
