I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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