my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
