Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
