Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We had sex on a dog bed..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize