How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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