Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
