She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
