I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
