You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
