I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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