i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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