dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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