so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
