drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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