how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
