my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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