A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
