how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
