JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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