Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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