i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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