I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
