just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
