she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
