Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
