yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My vagina just clenched in fear
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
