it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's paint friendship bongs
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
