when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
