Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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