just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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