i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love accidental penises.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
