Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
