My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
