Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love you. Go after that dick
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