How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
