Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.

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(858): View more from California

i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals

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(850): View more from Florida

I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.

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(806): View more from Texas

Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.

(1-806): View more from Texas

Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.

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(206): View more from Washington

When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...

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(914): View more from New York

My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period

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