Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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