Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Randomize
