Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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