Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
