You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize