I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
