It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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