just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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