yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
