I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
