I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize