All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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