D3 body, D1 cock
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
