I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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